A school teacher friend of mine injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. On his first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he was assigned to teach the most undisciplined class. Stepping confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible. Just then, a strong breeze made his tie flap. Trying to fix the tie, he took a blackboard eraser and hammered a large tack through his tie into his chest.
He had no trouble with discipline that term.
A college English professor wrote the words "Woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard, and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
He found the men looked at it one way, and girls another.
The males wrote, "Woman, without her man, is a savage!"
The females wrote, "Woman! without her, man is a savage!"
A drill sergeant ordered two young female recruits to paint a room in the barracks, stressing that they not get any paint on their uniforms. Doubtful they could avoid ruining their clothes, the women locked the door, stripped naked and painted in nude. After about an hour they heard a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" asked one of the women.
"Blind man," came the reply.
Seeing no harm in letting a blind man in, they opened the door.
"Wow, what knockouts!" the man said with surprise. "Now, where do you want these blinds?"
My son and I became lost while hiking high in the southern Rockies. I immediately went to work with my map and compass to determine where we had gone off course. My son, an electronics engineer, produced from his pack a hand-held Global Positioning System receiver.
"I know exactly where we are," he proudly announced, after carefully locking the instrument on four satellites high above the earth and checking his map. "We're on that mountain over there!"
A famous scientist was on his way to yet another lecture when his chauffeur offered an idea. "hey, boss, I've heard your speech so many times, I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off."
"Sounds great," the scientist said.
When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and setteled in the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were any questions.
"Yes," said one proffessor. Then he launched into a highly technical question.
The chauffeur was panic-stricken for a moment but quickly recovered. "That's an easy one," he replied, "so easy, I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it."
"Do you know the name of the little boy who sits behind you, Rosalie?" Mother asked the first-grader.
"His name is Jimmy," Rosalie answered.
"Jimmy who?" asked Mother.
"His whole name is Jimmy Sitdown," said Rosalie, "that's what the teacher calls him."